Based on my own experiences dating neurotypical women and writing about dating with Asperger’s, I believe there’s still a lot of understanding to explore—but first we need to identify the underlying reason for the mismatch in emotion and expectation.Let’s start with how people with autism approach the concept of honesty, which has frequently gotten me into trouble.Neurotypicals and people with autistic alike are turning to online dating sites to provide a safe environment to encounter a large number of people, increasing the likelihood of finding someone who has mutual attraction.
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The final result, while undeniably exciting, is also excruciatingly chaotic.
I’m currently seeing a beautiful, smart, and (luckily for me) extremely patient and open woman—who also happens to be a neurotypical.
As she has pointed out, “the gift of dating with autism” is that “you understand clear boundaries and can follow them.” For neurotypicals, boundaries are fluid and the methods for communicating them are ambiguous at best.
Perhaps in the future neurotypicals will learn how to behave in more consistent and predictable ways, just as people on the spectrum will hopefully develop tools for overcoming their social impairment.
Although neurotypicals claim to value honesty, when I actually am, they tend to be put off by my excessive candor.